i find it pathetic

that I remain frustrated even when I know better.

I am just so stubborn that I will not change my frustration even when I can. I don't like being frustrated. Everything pisses me off. Like right now.
My hair is making me mad, I can't get it to stop bothering me. My chair is uncomfortable because I am wedged in the corner typing on the computer (my computer room is set up weird). My arm hurts. My mom wants to watch Heroes, I want to watch Criminal Minds. My QtAP sucked. I had a bad day (never mind that the whole day I was actually happy, but now I am frustrated I've had a bad day allll day somehow). I don't want to talk to anyone (though not an issue, nobody really talks to me over IM anyways)
see? I am just one big carbon-based life form that is filled with complaints. It's me me me me me me me when I'm frustrated. I could just suck it up and listen to some happy music. Or tell myself that this is all in my head and I'm being ridiculous. I do tell myself I am being ridiculous but even if I know I am I still do nothing to fix that! Argh! I'm not often mad at other people.
It may start out that way, but it always weaves itself back to me (either showing I am an egoist or an egoist with low self-esteem). And I really wish it didn't. Because I feel so weird and I feel that the world is out to get me, they're all in a plan to ruin my day.
Sam isn't though. She's my friend. I love her. She lets me be a therapist to my own self. I could just be a therapist to my own self when I'm alone, but I just have to say these things for them to actually have an effect.
Niki, however, no. She likes hurting me, apparently. She thinks it's funny when I'm mad. No. I am not funny when I am mad. I am a brat when I am mad. I can't believe her. That she is now actually pushing me on purpose to make me react so she can laugh because it's funny. Makes me sad. Niki was a really nice person. I don't know what has changed her.
Past few days I've been reliving memories that I regret. Like last year. I was all emo. Or goth. (I hate stereotypes, nother story for nother time) And then Jeff, and Bubba, telling me they thought I was a freak last year? That I scared them? I hate it when people think of me that way. I want people to like me. It breaks my heart to know that people, even people I don't really like either, don't like me. Or didn't.
Waaaaaa... Why can't I be some brainless 8th grader who really isn't bothered by this kind of stuff? Who doesn't think? Just some stupid person... Ignorant?! I don't want to be ignorant, but thinking's pretty bad as well.
(I would never actually prefer ignorance over maturity. But it must be easy being ignorant, ignorance is bliss)

/rant