Looking to the future does not help the now.

For the past year or two now... I've been wanting to become a therapist. It's the main career I've imagined myself as. Dr. Smith; just like my parents. Except I won't be cutting people up. I'll be fixing people's brains. I'll help them. I will be able to turn people's life's around. Hell, I'm wanting to become a therapist so badly I'd do the 4 years of medical school.

But now, I just feel like slamming my head through a wall.
Because even though I'm only 13 years old, I've viewed myself as a therapist you don't have to pay for. I'd talk to Sam for long hours, just trying to get to know more about her. I talked to Niki, I talked to Brittany. It made me happy when they talked back. I felt like I had helped them.

Yet today, I read a couple of comments on dA. That totally ruined my mood. Today was already bad. And then after oboe practice, I was cheered up. But I come down into my computer room and I feel like crying again? Here were the comments:
"No one wants to be alone, neglected, ignored, hated, etc. Yet again, nobody wants someone digging into their brain and trying to figure out what's wrong. Probably the reason people hate psychiatrists and so, because the people make you feel like they're shrinking your brain (hence the term, 'shrink')" - Sam
Hate psychiatrists?
...hate what I want to be?
Then more:
"Never believe a psychiatrists. You can ask any crazy guy" - Chess
Well f*** her. I have always hated Chess. She is first class bitch, and pardon my french, but she is. She treats her friend so rudely and seems like a complete arrogant person and I would like to rip her head off.
And then Sam replies:
"Ha ha, true. I don't like psychiatrists. They make me feel uncomfortable, and they don't talk enough. Besides, I haven't told anyone except my brothers what I fear or love in life and it sure as hell won't be a psychiatrist who'd just put me on medications and exercises to make me feel better."
What?! Sam has never told me she's gone to a therapist. I've been trying to get her to talk to one for the longest time because I'm worried about her! And then she does! (at least from what I've guessed) and she doesn't tell me?
She doesn't like psychiatrists. She doesn't like me? I've tried so hard to be someone she can talk to. I've tried so hard to be a person that can help her through life. But she apparently doesn't like therapists or that type of people (nor does she respect them)

It pisses me off that people can hate other people just for helping them. How incredibly selfish for them to be that way. Therapists don't do it just for the money. They go into that career because they freaking care about people. About people they haven't even met. About people they've barely met. And just because you're too narcissistic and ungenerous to let someone try to help doesn't mean you should act that way. Think about how therapists feel, after having 5 kids who just play around with them, and don't talk and make it into a game. Let's see how pissed I can make the doctor! LOL FUN! And meanwhile, I'll go commit suicide! I could have saved my effing life but then again, I'm too egotistical to want help from a person who god-forbid wants to! ROFL! *slits wrists*

Those people make me sick. And make me want to not become a doctor. Because they're so rude and so ungrateful. I hate them. But I also feel bad for them. Because those people are the ones that need help. Ruin is on the point of putting a gun to her head and she hates therapists. I'm sure Chess has tried suicide but she's too dramatic to actually die, and she hates therapists. But to tell the truth, I think the world would be a lot happier if she did. I would. And Sam. I don't know the first thing about Sam. She never talks to me. Never. I've never been able to connect with her, except for once. And I never will, because she's too damn stubborn and I'm not her brother.