meh.

whine whine whine. oh boo hoo christie wa my life sucks woe is me everybody give me attention because i'm so sadddddd.

Yeah, I'm sure you guys are all used to it. I would truly like to hibernate. Or, or, go back in life. I've been feeling lately that 99.9 percent of my life is freaking regret. I am stuck in a perpetual state of thinking and I can't stop it. And the thing is, I'm not getting anywhere. It's like I'm not thinking, but I can't stop thinking. It bugs me because if I was thinking and actually getting somewhere, that'd be a little better than this. I keep trying to ignore it. Sam tells me to just not let worries and regrets take hold of you, to concentrate on concentrating and stuff.
But I can't. Because I keep trying to ignore it, and am failing, I stay in the same position.

Mom's words keep repeating in my head
over
and over and over again
and Niki's words
over and over and over and over and over

I'm like Mr. Monk and how since the dr. was joking and said he was leaking cranial fluid instead of just a nose bleed, then Monk flips out...
well except they aren't joking
and and. i think i am leaking cranial fluid.
I don't want to write anything else down. I'd rather crawl into my bed and skip to the land of ever happiness than say it. I won't say it. i'm not giving up.
oh dear I hope that plant of determination doesn't wither away in the pessimistic brain of mine. It's easy to, there. It really is.